JOURNEY

(Please keep an open mind while reading it. This story is a scream for help, respect to women and request to women to become empowered.)



Part 1

I was travelling from Mumbai to Kolkata because of some work that I didn't want to do but still had to. As I was travelling alone the journey was boring and I was having a hard time. We had only been travelling for 2 hours and I started to get hungry because of boredom. It was 2:00 a.m when the train stopped at station. I stepped out get something to eat. I got some samosas and chutney.
After having eaten i decided to sleep but sleep escaped me. My stomach was queasy. I needed fresh air so i went and stood by the door. And then I saw her. She was an average looking girl but there was something in her eyes that captivated me. Her wandering eyes as if she was looking for someone or something.
We kept standing side by side for a while and she commented about how humid the night was. My heart beat skipped and I thanked the stars for making her talk to me. We struck a conversation about our interests, places we had visited, wanted to visit, politics and poetry. She asked as if in a deep thought, "Do you write?"
I replied," I write short stories but I am not very good."
"I used to write too but not anymore. Its been a few years since I wrote something", she said, "do you want to hear a story?"
I got excited and asked to tell me a story for her voice was music to my ears. All the while I was having difficulty in preventing myself from staring at her and now I could look at her to all my content as she would tell me the story just like the princess in Arabian nights.

Part 2

This story is about a girl who was very soft hearted and cared for everyone. She loved the entire world and tried to see beauty in everything. It doesn't mean she didn't have darker side. She was impulsive and headstrong and did exactly what she felt like. One day she decided to travel to the southern most tip of India. Now there was a family of three travelling with her, a woman and her two children, boy and girl.
She loved children so in order to reduce boredom she started talking and playing with them. The woman not being very educated didn't talk much. She had marks on her face as if she had been beaten up. She seemed to cringe and disappear in the corner of the compartment. The children however, were quite playful, least bothered about tattered condition of their clothes or dirt in their hair and hands.
As the journey went on the woman started to open up with the girl. The girl listened to her patiently and asked questions in order to help her open more. The woman told her," I was married at a young age to a man who was 20 years older than me. He works as a locksmith and is as cold and cruel as the tools he works with. He would beat me up everyday at the slightest or sometimes even no provocation at all. There are days I want to kill myself. No matter how much I care for him or try to please, he just goes on beating me and my children."
"Its difficult to live with such a man. Does your family know what you are undergoing," girl asks.
"Yes, they know", she says , "but we are poor and my family can't take the take the responsibility of me and my children."
The girl persists, " but have you ever thought of leaving him."
The woman seemed to have given up all hope in life and refused to do believe or acknowledge she could do something about it.
They kept talking and time flew by. A station came where the woman and her children were supposed to get off. It was small obscure station where the train stops for hardly few minutes.
The girl turned her back still thinking about how much ugliness the woman and her children saw in everyday life. As she was thinking she heard a man shouting and woman crying. When she looked outside she saw that the man was dragging away the woman and pulling the boy through the platform. They were shouting in pain and the man was hurling abuses at her as the train was running late.
The train started to move and she could still hear their wailing. It was night and not many people were on the station. The man swore he would kill the woman and children. She couldn't take any more and as the man raised his hand with iron rod towards the boy, she jumped off the train to save the little boy. She ran towards them, threatening to call the police if he did anything to them.
The man completely lost it and as if in a fit of madness ran towards her leaving his wife and children. He caught her and dragged to a near by house where they lived and pushed her inside the room. The woman and children tried to stop him but being scared they didn't do much.
He threatened his wife with dire consequences if they dared tell anyone about the girl. He went inside the room and raped her again and again till his madness subsided.

Part 3
My throat started to get dry. Why would anybody write such a dark story. I looked at her face to find some sign of emotion but she didn't. She smiled and said ," we don't want to see the dark and ugly right. We want to brush everything under the carpet or close our eyes whenever we hear about injustice or cruelty. I don't think you can handle this story. Forget it."
I so wanted to please her. Show her that I had the depth to understand that she was looking for. I encouraged her to go on.
"Are you sure that you can handle it?" , she asked with a smirk.
I nodded my head.

Part 4
The man kept her captive for many days. All the days the girl kept wondering why the woman or children were not helping her. How can the humanity stoop so low. She could hear the woman move and the man work on his tools. She was not given anything to eat. Every time he entered the room, it was to rape her. She felt anger at herself for wanting to help people. May be this was finally the time when she believed there was no God and humanity had ceased to be humane. She just wanted death to come and release her.
The girl was near death when the woman opened the door. There was blood everywhere in the room and in the far corner lay the man's body. The boy was holding the iron rod with which he had beaten up the man to death. The man had come after drinking and was about to hit the woman. The boy couldn't take it anymore and hit the man and then kept hitting him.
The woman asked the girl to leave as soon as possible. She told her the train was about to come and it came only once in 2 days at that particular time only for few min. They all ran towards the station and the train had come. The girl finally managed to get to the train feeling relieved. She asked for help from people but nobody acknowledged her presence. And....... That's when she saw her body lying just near the entry.

Part 5
"So that was the story", she said.
I was speechless. My stomach felt queasy again and I wanted to throw up. I finally found my voice and said, "its a pretty scary story."
She said, "life is scary, reality is scary but death releases us. But I am glad I was finally able to tell this story to someone."
"Someone?" , I asked.
"Yeah", she said, " you are the first one who saw me since I died......"
And as I was trying to get my senses back, she disappeared.

First Love

Its the first flush of love
Two lovers flying
Flying just like doves.
The soft touch
Those little whispers
Feeling as if
One is on top of the world.
Ah! That innocence
That excitement
Those butterflies in stomach.
Its the first flush of love
When everything seems to be right
You'll fight anything
You'll believe the impossible.
Fairy tales seem to come true
The belief that they can
Conquer the world.
Doing all the things together
Yet never tiring of each other
Its the first flush love
When you glow pink
Just like rose
That something in throat
Reaching like knife in heart
At the thought of growing apart
The faith in future
A better tomorrow
When you know
That together you will fly
Fly just like doves
At peace with oneself
At peace with world.
You know its the first flush of love.

RISE

Crushed and broken dreams I see
The castles come crumbling down
From the debris I will rise
Fearless, stronger and wiser
I will not bow down.

Phoenix can rise and be reborn
This life may not be like phoenix
But I have the ability to move on
Collect the shattered glass and rubble
And create something new.

I will dream a new dream
Build new castles
There will be no debris of past
Fearless, stronger and wiser
I will create a better reality with calm.

The rock

A rock
Solid rock
Unbreakable
Undamaged.
A rock
With few cracks
With marks of weathering
Lovers names inscribed
Symbol of perseverance.
A rock
Unmovable
Stubborn
Silent keeper of secrets
Bearer of journey
Witness of growth.
A rock
Making a difference
A difference so slow
That it hardly matters.
A rock
As huge as mountain
Watching
Never tiring
Never relenting
A rock
An inspiration
Yet nothing.

COMING HOME

Jaismine was sitting near the French windows of her room. She sat on a black leather couch in her extremely dark and gloomy room. She had not switched on any lights even though it was evening. Her mother had told her not to look at the setting sun but it was the setting sun that she liked, when the sky turned in the shades of her favorite colors pink, orange, red, blue-black and then finally black. She felt as if she could spend her entire life sitting by those windows provided it would always be a sunset.

The birds were flying to their homes. Jaismine felt a piercing sensation in her chest. She was envious of the birds flying to their home.

“Do I have a home?” she wondered.

Every day she felt as if she did not belong to this world. She could not connect with anyone. There was a persistent feeling of loneliness that nagged her all the time. While her body was present there in her room, her soul was flying about the in the garden, touching leaves and fruits, swishing water at some invisible being like the disowned angel of God. Slowly, her soul to returned to her room and she felt a jerk in her neck.

She thought, “I don’t have a home. These birds are better off than me. They can fly towards the setting sun, while I have been forbidden to watch the melting sun.”

The sky had turned into the shades of blue and black. The chirping of the words had been replaced by the sounds of night. She could hear the cricket sing, it’s never ending sad song. The wind was caressing her rosy cheeks and flirting with her untied hair. Still Jaismine felt lonelier than ever before. It was getting cold and she hugged herself. Tears started to sting in her eyes and finally fell down like dew drops.

The world felt like miserable place. People were killing each other, gossiping, planning conspiracies and hurting each other. It felt as if God had forsaken not only her but the entire world. She knew her gloom would vanish in the morning when the sun would arise from the cracks of dawn. Her indecisiveness and insecurity about life pained her because there was no release for now. She knew this would pass as nothing lasts forever. The clouds of gloom would lift. She was disgusted with herself for feeling the pain that she felt.

Jaismine wanted to do something about her present state.

“I can not go on like this. I am not going to sit here and let life take its own course like some wild river. She was the mistress of body. She was God of her temple like body.”

Her body felt old even though she had seen only twenty-two springs. Her body was like a castle wrapped by huge serpent. If she let the serpent tighten its grip, the castle will be in ruins. Something out be done, she thought.

The stream of her consciousness was broken as she heard loud and heavy footsteps outside her room. She stood up and wiped her face with the back of her hand. She turned her face into a picture of complete calmness. She saw somebody enter her room with a light in his hand. She walked towards him and saw his face in the light of the lamp. It was her friend, Aditya. His face shone like a bright sun. He was grinning like a school boy as if nothing was wrong with the world and her.

“Have been crying, huh!” he said.

She looked beautiful to him even with that sad expression on her face. He held her hand and took her out of her room. Lit the fire and handed her a cup of coffee. His eyes seemed to say that this world isn't such a bad place. Obviously, he couldn't make the serpents and demons go away, but he made a silent promise of being besides her. He pulled her out of her thoughts by holding her hand tightly, yet lovingly as if to make her stay, as if to prevent her from going back to her thoughts. That day, he had taken her into the light and showed her what all blessings she had. She had a home and it was where he was. Aditya talked to her about their childhood, silly games that they played, dreams that they had dreamed together and about found and lost love. He made jokes and made her laugh till they both were rolling on the floor laughing.

Finally, she felt as if she had come home. From then on, Aditya was there for her, without imposing himself on her. She stood by him through thick and thin. They drew strength from each other like never ending reservoir of energy. He gave her time to be alone and ponder over life and its existential questions. Whenever she felt strangulated by the serpent, he would save her from her thoughts by reminding her of all the good things. She walked beside him everyday and helped him through the struggles of life. Although he was very normal guy, he was her knight in shining armor and although she was tortured soul, she was the princess of his heart.

SALVATION

The body I am residing in presently has been making me uncomfortable. I don’t feel like being in it anymore. There is a battle going on between the mind and heart. The heart wants me to finish off everything. It wants me to leave the body and the mind wants me to stay and fight.

This body is not such a nice place as it used to be. There is no peace in it. There was a time when I had felt proud of it but now there is a constant pain. I feel tired and there is an ongoing argument between heart and mind. The heart seemed to be winning, which meant I would be free to leave this body soon. The idea of leaving the body didn't seem to be bad at all. The mind which had been so strong and dominating was losing its stand. It seemed as if it had given up, as if it too was tired of fighting and wanted me to be at peace.

The mind and heart got together and made a plan for me to escape this hollow body. I didn't feel any love or remorse for this lifeless body which had ceased to feel anything. The idea of bright red oozing liquid was starting to give me a high. I anxiously waited for the day when the plan would be put into action and I would be released from the suffering.

The plan was quite simple. A revolver was to be obtained from dad’s cupboard and we i.e. soul, heart and mind would wait till it was dark, when everything would be silent. When no humans would disturb us and the voices of nature would call me to join the universal spirit, I would be free. I would be free to fly about, do whatever I want to. I would not be bound by empty rituals and customs of this equally empty world. Maybe I would even find another body when I have recovered from the wounds given to me by this one.

Finally, the revolver was stolen. The body didn't seem to be aware of anything. It didn't care about what was going to happen to it. It didn't seem to mind the thoughts of blood and pain. Probably, it had dies long ago. It was just an empty shell. I was going to leave it bleeding cold soon.

I put the revolver’s mouth to the temple and without single emotion, I shot it. In a split second I was out of it. There was a huge pool of blood around the body. The face had got distorted. There were two holes on each side of the head. I sighed….. At least I was free. I felt as if my stay in this body had been uneventful. Few experiences had made me weak and gave me suffering.

I wanted to leave the place and go but I couldn't  I had to wait for the last rites. When the body was found by the parents, they were shattered. They cried and howled. There sorrow knew no bounds. It was too much for me to see and bear. I wondered why they were crying for that useless piece of blood drenched meat.

Crowds after crowds poured inside the house to give their condolences and to express grief. I was surprised to see that this creature was loved and wanted. I realized how many people wanted it to be alive. For a split second, I thought of going back inside the body and ending their misery. But the idea of going inside that distorted thing seemed to repulse me. I couldn't have gone inside the body even if I wanted to.  It was too late for that. People kept crying for days. They wondered where had they gone wrong and if they could have prevented me from leaving this body. The whole business of leaving the body started to seem wrong. I felt like crying too but I couldn't  I didn't have the ability to show human emotions. I longed to be out of the place. The atmosphere in the house was starting to make me feel guilty.

Finally, the last rites finished and I could leave. I was free to join the heavens and the spirits. I walked to the heaven’s door. It was all white and beautiful. It was pure. It lacked the selfishness, greed and hunger of earth that I had to bear in so many years of exile. Then, something happened, which I had not fathomed before coming out of the body. The doors of heaven were locked on me. It was done so because I had gone against the command of God. I didn't make a fruitful use of my life. I had thrown away the gift of life in a trash. I had made no contributions to my life or to that of others.

Now that I was not allowed into heavens, I went back to the house that I had called home. It was unbearable when I realized that I had been loved by my family. They needed me in their life when I had pushed them away. I had allowed the selfish heart to win the battle. I knew now that the heart had made a wrong decision. I decided to fly around the place. Yes, flying was easy. One can keep doing it for a while. But for how long can a soul fly about.

As the time passed, the desire to go back into a body kept creeping in. everyday that desire grew stronger and then one day I wanted it more than anything else. I knew to enter a body I need to clear my debts. I would have to be punished for my sins. I felt rejected by the Mother Earth and the heavens. Then I decided to go to Hell. Probably they would accept me.

Without fear, I walked to doors of hell. It was very hot and black. I could hear the shouts of souls burning in the fire of their sins. No peace was to be found. I did not lose my courage and went ahead. But here too, I was rejected. I had died 40 years before my time and my sins were not so grave as to burn me in hell. They asked me to leave.

I couldn't have a rebirth. I was doomed to haunt my house till I was called. Each day I suffered when my family and friends suffered. I was there when they died. I was made to bear their deaths. Their souls couldn't meet me because they went to heaven right away. I yearned for companionship. I was lonely and tired of waiting. After forty years of waiting, I was called to take birth again………..

I had not escaped the bindings of human life that I wanted to when I had decided to leave the body. I bore each and everything pain and joy……………..

HEAL FROM THE PAIN

Finally!!! She woke up and stumbled out of her bed. She had slept late last night after a party that she had been dragged to by her friends. She was wary of people in her life and everything seemed to disgust her. Lately she had been feeling as if she was living somebody else's life. Every time, she looked into the mirror, she felt as if she was looking at a stranger. There was no feeling at all. She scolded herself for being lazy and forced herself to take a bath and look presentable. After all her job required her to deal with people. 

" Can't afford to look weary in front of people." She muttered to herself.

After applying make up she practiced smiling in front of the mirror. 

"Well, that should do."she said to herself

She started her car and drove slowly. The sun rays fell on her face. Her hair shone like gold, making her look angelic and peaceful. Her body was tensed as if she was bearing some kind of heavy burden, but her face was a picture of complete calmness. Many a times, people had told her that she looked so calm that it was almost absurd. Even she knew a storm was building inside her and any day she would burst with emotions. That is what she was so scared of. The storm, if it came, would ruin her and wash away everything that she had worked hard for.

The wind played with her hair and the sunlight kissed her rosy cheeks. The persistent pain started to leave her body. She concentrated on the dark green hills before her and then she started to forget the pain. She forgot her 'to do' list. She felt alive. Suddenly, she felt happy as if the entire universe was making her feel that, life is a gift. She let the wind and the sunlight heal her. As she looked at the clear blue sky, which seemed to her like a never ending ocean and the ivory clouds, that reminded her of soapy waves, she felt as if she was being reduced to nothingness.

The space seemed to be healing her soul, awakening positive thoughts in her mind. Her long fingers started to tap at the wheel and she began to hum a lively tune. She realized that if she allowed herself to feel happy and clear the clouds of sorrow, nothing would make her sad. She started to sing..........

"I am happy in the morning,

I am happy in the evening,

I am happy all day long.

Its a brand new day

today........................

Its a brand new..... day...

today...........

I am gonna sing a song of

happiness....

I am gonna a sing a song of

happiness............

I am gonna sing a song of 

happy............ ness........"

We always allow things to effect us. Look for problems where there are no problems. We either minimize the good that we have or maximize our sorrows. then we complain why don't we find happiness. form where, are we supposed to find happiness. God created man in his own image and gave us similar powers. We can bend a spoon with the power of mind, write scriptures with the power of mind and yet we feel helpless in slightly challenging situations. We expect somebody else to make us happy, when we are gods, when we are the masters of our destiny. 

She had lost touch with her soul. That morning, she let the Mother Nature cure her of her suffering. She let the entire universe unite to help her sing a happy song. There was a deep nagging feeling still reminding her that her happiness would last. She would again feel burdened and heavy. But, she didn't care anymore. She knew, she wouldn't go to her friends. She wouldn't drink till she passed out. She wouldn't go to her boy friend with her sob story. She wouldn't expect people to heal her. All that she would do is, give her self up, not act strong and lie in the lap of Mother Nature like a child. She would return to innocence and let the Mother Nature sing her lullaby.